Lazy Sunday Post: I asked for it BLACK!

Be damned if I know where this asinine trend began, but can someone please enlighten me as to why a ‘regular coffee’ has cream and sugar in it? As I am. by nature, an extraordinarily lazy bastard when the mood strikes it’s not a shock to anyone I generally do not cook on Sunday mornings. Now normally I’d hit up my local diner for the usual (ham/cheese/spinach omlette) and a some BLACK coffee. Thanks to the place inexplicably shutting down, not only for me either I spoke to my former waitress who said she simply arrived to a locked up and sold restaurant. Anyways, the place is gone, alongside my damn eggs! So instead of hunkering down and cooking my own meals- for the most part- I’ve been cheating, instead hitting up the local (which could actually mean about a dozen places come to think of it) Dunkin Donuts.

Tolerating this place is not an easy thing. First and foremost I have to contend with the fat-ass masses that congregate there every Sunday. All Northerners, and you know how I feel about them, so the conversations are permanently set to topics such as how ‘wicked’ awesome the Sox are (or the flip side ‘Yankees suck!’ Ugh) or whatever candy ass band these people feel is ‘wicked’ awesome.

By the way I fucking HATE the word ‘Wicked.’ Unless I’m in the merry old land of Oz, I see no reason for this to be used so damn often. It’s the only adjective up here- so I’m clearly in Hell.

So I clear the herd to finally meet the poor underpaid idiot at the counter- and I ask for Coffee: BLACK. See I once as for ‘regular’ coffee only to discover that ‘regular’ means two creams and a sugar. I can’t even fucking fathom that bit. Logic dictates that a ‘regular’ would be it at it’s base form with additions such as cream and sugar making it not regular. Regardless, I’d learned my lesson and believed that specifically requesting the damn thing to be black would be sufficient. So I receive my coffee then head home- I’m riding a bike so I won’t drink any until then just so you know.

Home, and happy for it- soon will be headed out for a game. So here I am, coffee in hand. Let’s see if they can screw up BLACK coffee.

they fucking put sugar in it.

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About kylethoreau 146 Articles

KyleThoreau is a time-traveling axe murderer from the 1800’s. He stopped in the 2000’s because he ran out of the secret time-travel juice that the cyborg clone of Abe Lincoln gave him. He must now find the clone of Abe to return to his time-travel duties. In the meantime he has decided to report on geeky news and read comic books.

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